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Important aspects of divorce situations

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5 Insane But True Facts About High Conflict Divorce

 Mediation is useful in just about any divorce situation. When emotions run high, and justifiably so, it is vital to manage them without minimizing their importance and meaning. Mediators are there to help acknowledge, understand, express and manage clients' emotions en route to amicable solutions.

Bringing Good Beers & Good People Together...: How Two Women from Fort Collins & Renegade Inspired a Friendship Themed Beer for Collaboration Fest

Individual bonds are still strong in craft brewing.  Fort Collins and Renegade!Good to see collaboration, and we can't wait to try it at the fest!

Source: mybeerbuzz.com - Bringing Good Beers & Good People Together...: How Two Women from Fort Collins & Renegade Inspired a Friendship Themed Beer for Collaboration Fest

Craft Brewing's Internal Challenges

A recent article stirred the pot a bit in the craft brewing industry. Cheers Magazine interviewed Jon Taffer and asked him several questions about running a bar and/or restaurant business, one requesting his opinion on craft beer in 2016. His response was not all positive and Julia Herz of the Brewers Association disagrees with Mr. Taffer's assessment and prognosis of craft beer.  At the crux of this disagreement are the numbers Mr. Taffer uses to amplify his opinion. Ms. Herz concentrates on defending such numbers and her points are sound.maxresdefaultYet, concentration on such numbers overlooks key points in Mr. Taffer's opinion on craft breweries: "They’re rookie-run. The problem is that people are now looking at craft beer as an investment opportunity. They’re getting into it to make money. Many people don’t get into it for the love of making beer."  While the last sentence may be a stretch ("many people..."), he highlights very real issues, that could damage individual breweries and trickle up to the industry as a whole.  In short, brewing is a business and business people are not brewers--and vice versa. Doing one incorrectly can be disastrous.This is, in my opinion, the biggest threat to the craft brewing industry. The marriage of brewing art and science with business operations and decisions. Other threats exist, and I will examine them in a short while. Each threat begins as a challenge that goes overlooked, ignored, misunderstood or is poorly managed. Over time, it grows, intensifies and starts taking a toll on the brewery: a missed infection here, a disgruntled customer there, and shipments of material start arriving late thereby pushing back production--the list could be endless.  Addressing challenges soon and effectively is one of the most important actions a brewery can take.Ownership FrictionIt is rare that ownership of a brewery rests in the hands of an individual. Whether it’s a family business, one built by friends, or a contract between brewer and investor, disagreements emerge. How these are managed is crucial to not only brewery success, but business survival.It is common in many industries that disagreements exist between production and sales, finance and marketing, or management and staff. Craft brewing is not immune to such tensions, especially when they operate with a small team. Not everybody understands the science and art of brewing. And not everybody understands the intricacies and management of business. It is safe to say that, for the most part, brewers do not understand business, and investors/partners do not understand brewing. To make matters worse, often these misunderstandings are not evident to each party.  For example, a brewer may not understand why the partner wants to sell a diacetyl-laced batch, while the partner cannot see reason to dump it.When these two areas combine to form a partnership, a new type of management is needed, or the business can fall apart. This new management requires a different skillset than the brewer and business partner possess.  One such incident of disagreement may seem like no big deal. Yet, when another round of disagreement comes up, the two sides intensify their message and perspective. Soon enough the misalignment between interests becomes a tension between people: It gets personal.  Positions entrench and communication breaks down just in time to allow another important issue, like staffing, slip between them.Over time, an ostensibly trivial issue becomes germane to other issues that exacerbate tensions and erode the internal function of the brewery. It is imperative to identify disagreements and address them quickly and effectively, which can be tricky. Here are a few tips that must be considered when internal issues are discussed:

  1. Keep an open mind that you may have a hand in the problem. It may not be you or something you did, but to totally shut out that notion is a critical mistake
  2. Make a true effort to understand the other side's perspectives
  3. Do not dismiss the other side's perspective, try to genuinely understand it
  4. State your interests as basic as you can. Keep asking yourself, "why is this an interest to me?" to get to the root of your concern
  5. Do the same with the other side; "why is this of interest to you?"…but in a polite, non-accusative nature
  6. Be open to ideas, no matter how crazy they may seem. Sometimes those "dumb ideas" inspire good ones
  7. Do not hesitate to ask for outside assistance, like mediation and facilitation. If tensions have grown even somewhat rigid, internal meetings may not be effective, and can even make them worse. A third party can have many functions, such as a sounding board, target, communication liaison, and referee
  8. Understand that emotions will be prevalent and venting is necessary. Often, an outside dispassionate party can endure the brunt of venting to clear the air and get through to interests
  9. Be prepared to change. Third party mediators and facilitators look for opportunities for collaboration. While compromise is a lose-lose agreement that may work, collaboration can be a way to change behavior without giving up anything or even adding value to the situations

Craft Beer and Syrian Refugees

Refugees and Craft Beer

The Brewers Association article on craft brewing’s charitable donations highlights how involved craft breweries are in their communities.  They donate money to various charities as well as providing product and space to others. They create and promote fundraising events and raise awareness to many causes. They even raise money to help employees, customers and strangers manage medical expenses and see them through tough times.  To many of us beer geeks this is not surprising, but the total amount, $71 Million, is phenomenal and that does not include the time and energy breweries put forth to achieve this number.The article also highlights the potential for what craft breweries can do for their community and beyond, in ways not reflected in dollars. Venues such as craft breweries, tap houses and tap rooms attract people from various and differing backgrounds and opposing perspectives. Yet, they all share a common interest: good beer. This interest can serve as the cornerstone for important, perhaps contentious, dialogue. And through dialogue difficult social, political, religious and community issues can be effectively addressed. It is not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. Such venues can cultivate a spirit of open and honest conversation, and provide a safe and open atmosphere to encourage people to discuss contentious issues without fear of backlash and ridicule. It is a way to help a community gather resources and information to effectively address certain issues and guard against hastily made decisions, which usually end up exasperating the original issue.Let’s take the Syrian refugee crisis as an example--quite the contentious topic with short-, medium-, and long-term implications. It requires in-depth conversation from multiple viewpoints in order to effectively address challenges it presents, separate emotional responses and practical measures, and remove political influence.  Certainly not an easy task.Yet, it is possible for people from all sides of an issue to converse in a civil manner. To discuss what upsets them. To listen to what upsets others, why certain things upset themselves, and to collectively better understand such complex situations. Are the refugees a threat to security? Are they just people who need help? Which is correct? Or are they both correct? Or both wrong, and there's another possibility?  This cannot be discovered through Facebook, Twitter or comment threads online. It must be done in person. Getting opposite viewpoints in the same room is challenging, though.  “Come on down andPub Dialogue2 talk with someone who disagrees with you” is not an appealing invitation. But craft beer is. Having a discussion over a pint is much more attractive than having a contentious discussion.And such discussions are germane to discovery of effective solutions. Surface level questions lead to deeper inquiry that probe for more complete information.  Are Syrian refugees harmless? Why or why not? What is the refugee acceptance process? Does it include placement and monitoring? What is to gain from accepting a refugee population? These are important questions to ask and to answer, but they aren't the only ones. Questions can counter conclusions people already hold, and challenging them can make them defensive, annoyed, dismissive or even angry. Yet a society benefits from having uncomfortable conversations.  Of course alcohol can inhibit control over emotions, and nothing can get emotions boiling like politics and social issues, which can increase the likelihood of shouting and name-calling.  This can happen anyway in tap houses and tap rooms, but what a venue can do is institute a public dialogue program that brings in professional facilitators to manage emotions and keep conversation on track and safe.Much like during the Colonial days, breweries and other craft beer venues could be the place in a community for public discussion on important topics, like the Syrian refugee crisis, and get away from pointless social media banter. Public dialogue is no easy task and should not be undertaken lightly. But the power of public dialogue, when harnessed, can provide enormous benefits to the brewery, tap house, community and the larger society. Real world problems addressed, understood and resolved in the real world, not cyberspace. Maybe we can call it "Craft Conversations".For more information about models of public dialogue, please contact Jason. -------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Brewed the Hard Way and Craft Beer: Mudslinging is Dirty Business

If someone throws a ball of mud at you, how would you react? Probably feel a bit disgusted and affronted, and maybe return the favor. It’s natural to seek retribution, but rarely does it resolve anything. After a while, mud is everywhere.This is evident in the political world, especially during election season, when candidates attempt to tear down each other to benefit themselves. It is quite ugly.  Now we have seen this mudslinging enter the beer world through a Super Bowl commercial. Actually, it’s been around for a while; a latent dispute that was not yet ready for prime time.The craft (or micro) brewing community has attacked beers of BMC (Bud-Miller-Coors) for decades now. Partly because they had to in order to market the distinctiveness of their products, but also because of how much the craft beer community detests BMC’s products, brewing processes and business practices. Occasionally a craft brewer would praise the remarkable accomplishments of BMC, but according to (most of) the craft beer community, BMC makes “piss beer”, or “fizzy, yellow wimpy beer”.AB/InBev’s "Brewed the Hard Way" Super Bowl commercial thrust this dispute into prime time with a sharp counterpunch. It elicited a cry of “foul” from the craft beer industry. Craft beer geeks, dorks, brewers and connoisseurs have responded vehemently to this macro brewery's advertisement.It seems the years of smaller attacks from the craft beer community finally pushed AB/InBev to say “enough is enough” and start throwing mud back at the craft beer community. Perhaps the success and growth of the craft beer market segment has AB/InBev a bit nervous. And when you make the big dog nervous, it may just bite. Regardless, can craft beer take a dose of their own medicine?Judging from social media posts, the answer is “no”.  Perhaps it’s a bit unfair that one side has a Super Bowl commercial and the other doesn’t. Yet, just because the BMCs are international conglomerates does not mean they are impervious to insults. They employ brewers, who brew a certain style of beer and feel insulted when that product is belittled. Perhaps the ongoing “piss beer” insults persuaded retaliation in the same vein.Nor are the 3,000+ breweries in the U.S. impervious to insults. A vast majority are small businesses and conduct business on a personal level. Handshakes and honesty are paramount to small business owners. When they are misled or lied to, or they see promises broken, it affects them personally.  So they get defensive when they see a Super Bowl commercial attacking their livelihood, and insult them with the "brewed the hard way" tagline. Small brewery owners know firsthand how hard it is to brew good beer. Having a Macro brewery belittle this is a low blow and very personal. The temptation to return the ball of mud mounts.Does the brewing industry, macro and micro, really possess a desire to develop a mudslinging campaign? I hope not. I hope they respect each other’s business publicly and behind the scenes. Staying clean in a mud war is difficult, especially when the mud continues to fly. There is nothing to gain through slinging insults. Of course, turning the other cheek is also difficult, but it can help clean up the mess. Respect the competition. Employ some empathy to another’s livelihood. Discontinue the “one-upping”.   Take the high road and let the beer flow.------------------------------------------

Running out of Names only a Symptom for Craft Brewers

Branding is an important aspect of any business and craft brewing is no exception. There are two main complications craft breweries face in branding their product. One is, what happens when two breweries share the same, or similar, names, logos or images? The other is coming up with a unique brand in the first place, which is often difficult and time-consuming task. A recent NPR article highlights this challenge; 3,000+ breweries equals a short list of available names and logos. But this is a symptom of an underlying issue.It is not so much that craft breweries are running out of names, but rather that they have not realized their creative potential to achieve a unique brand. This limitation makes the branding process unnecessarily difficult and time-consuming. Engaging a third party facilitator during the brainstorming process helps tap the brewery team’s imagination, ideas and cooperation to overcome the "short list" challenge.A skilled facilitator enables the parts of a craft brewery team to strengthen its whole. Each member can voice their concerns, articulate ideas and discover new ones, and examine decisions. As many minds are better than one, a good brainstorming session will see many ideas, good and bad, thrown around openly. Sometimes, seemingly silly ideas can serve as a catalyst for generating great ideas. Facilitation vets all ideas and navigates the group towards a collective and creative result.An outside facilitator grants the additional benefits of offering a different perspective and minimizing the restraints of groupthink. During facilitation, each member’s voice is heard, clarified and considered by all. No one is persuaded to think a certain way, or needs to worry about backlash from saying something different. A day’s worth of group facilitation can help a craft brewery achieve uniqueness and establish a name for itself for years to come.This does not guarantee smooth sailing through trademark waters, however. There is no clear distinction between similarity and difference, and this gray area varies throughout the industry and legal circles. One may see a name or logo as unique, another may see the same name or logo as influenced by their name or logo. A trademark dispute can be an ugly, expensive and daunting prospect. A common scenario sees a craft brewery requesting another craft brewery to change a name or design. If no conciliation is reached, then they retain legal counsel to send a cease and desist letter. Well, nothing will escalate a dispute quicker than a C/D letter. It is worrisome to receive anything in “legalese”. Once lawyers are involved, people tend to coil up into a defensive position, and this can cut off communication and block creative solution generation, not to mention engaging an expensive struggle. And if such dispute hits social media, then a firestorm erupts.But there are other steps unseen and not usually taken. The next step should include at least a call to a mediator before securing legal counsel (this does not mean that legal counsel must be excluded). While (most) attorneys advocate for their client, a mediator advocates for the process of mediation. That is, a mediator's focus is helping people communicate effectively, openly and in a safe space. While a settlement is a goal, it does not drive the mediation, because a mediation's objective is for the parties to develop a settlement of their choosing. Nothing is adjudicated or dictated; it's the parties' agreement, helped along by a neutral.Even if a settlement is not reached, mediation has two main benefits. The first is the opening of communication lines. Sitting face to face often changes the dynamics of a relationship that phone and email preclude. This can strengthen, maintain and establish personal relationships, which make collaboration easier.The second benefit is a "willingness to mediate". Sometimes, one party will agree to mediate and the other will not. If this happens, the first party will receive a letter stating that, yes, they tried to set up mediation and the other party was unwilling. This says to a judge (and the public) that one party was willing to talk it out, but the other was not.Avoiding costly, lengthy and damaging trademark disputes starts from within the brewery, not the ostensibly finite list of potential names. How a brewery team thinks is just as important as what it thinks. How the team communicates, within itself and with others, is just as important as what it communicates. Facilitation and mediation are more than feel-good, idealistic, notions. They can save a company tens of thousands of dollars and improve its overall image, atmosphere, communications and business.----------------------------------------------------

Craft Brewing Business - A Delicate Balance

There is no doubt that Craft Brewing Business is growing as an industry. For beer lovers, this is a great time to love beer. For brewers, this is a great time to brew beer. For investors, this is a great time to fund breweries.  It seems there is a lot of "win" to go around.Unfortunately, tension grows between all three. Craft beer lovers (or geeks, like myself) embrace the ethos, as it were, of the craft beer industry while enjoying the suds. This ethos is difficult to define, but its salience remains strong among this group.  Brewers now have the option, opportunity and a willing audience to try new recipes or tweak old ones. Creativity remains a strong factor in brewers' motivation. Investors see flocks of people rushing to local breweries' taprooms to fork over money for beer. The demand is super high, so the supply must increase.Here is the dilemma: Precision, time, money, supply, demand, quality, quantity and profit do not play well together as separate factors. They are not parts of the same pie; they are the pie. A baker does not dump flour, sugar, water, eggs and butter into a pan and place that pan in an oven and expect a cake to appear. Ingredients must be blended together correctly to achieve success.Same with craft beer. There must be a careful blend of brewing, investment and patronage to produce and sustain a healthy industry. This means that each aspect ought to understand the others, communicate openly and regularly, and give and receive feedback with civility and encouragement.  Of course, this is not as easy as baking a cake...or a pie...but to be sustainable, difficult tasks need successful undertaking to lead to optimal completion.This blending is not easy. People are unique and have unique life experiences that may affect this blending process, which involves disagreement, dispute, communication, perceptions and learning. We do not look forward to such aspects of this blending.We all felt anxiety with that first phone call to a potential date, or before meeting that date's parents. A salesperson's first cold call ripples with anxiety. So, too, does public speaking for most people. Why? After all we are just talking to fellow humans. Yet, humans are a funny lot, which makes the above communication and interaction fragile, complicated and tense.This is a delicate balance of brewer, investor and consumer must be maintained, or at least pursued, to keep a craft brewery a profitable, creative and enjoyable business. Tipping the scale one way will see the other aspects reeling off the other end. A brewery without investment certainly faces tough times.  An investor without product most likely faces taking a loss. A beer geek without beer just might dry up and blow away. To be sure, this brewing business is chock full of relationships that must be maintained. In this respect, people (and their interconnections) are a core ingredient in brewing.There is no shame in asking for assistance with important and complex issues. The shame is not asking.

RE: What I've Learned (Bill Butcher)

I was pleased to see that Bill Butcher mentioned people as integral to a craft brewery's operation, ("What I've Learned." American Brewer Vol. 30, Number 1). Unlike equipment and ingredients, where all you need is to purchase them and plug, or dump, them in, people are dynamic and unique. It is wise to hire people who share your vision, but it is of utmost importance to take care of your most important factor.People disagree, they tend to argue or push things under the rug until a lump starts to show, and they have lives outside of work. These things, and more, affect your brewing and business. We have seen this with many clients; teamwork deteriorates through disagreements, ineffective communication, and wrinkles  in home life. There is much focus on the technicalities, legal aspects, and business models of brewing, but precious little on the development, enrichment and safeguarding of the people in brewing. --------------------------------------------- 

Branding and Trademark Disputes: 7 Things to Keep in Mind

Of the challenges that craft breweries face, the dark cloud of trademark infringement is one of the ugliest for two reasons: a trademark dispute can cost time, money, energy and perhaps the business; and it is reminiscent of corporate industry, which upsets the camaraderie or community aspect of craft brewing.  Yet this cloud persists and can hover over any brewery. If it comes your way, here are some things to keep in mind:

  1. While your business is a large personal investment, challenges against your trademark or brand (or accusations towards you of such) should not be taken as a personal attack.  Easier said than done, no doubt, but if this dispute turns personal, it can get ugly and lose focus of the original concern
  2. Most trademark infringements, real or perceived, are accidental. With so many breweries in operation today, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find uniqueness in branding, naming and image.  An accused brewery may not intend infringement or harm.  This may sound trivial, but intent draws a line between hostility and honest mistake
  3. We all make mistakes, which are, by definition, accidental.  Most of us feel bad when we mess up and the last thing we need is scolding.  The best thing we can do is to learn from them and not admonish others for their mistakes
  4. Injuries of social media. Nothing can escalate a dispute more quickly, with more damage, over a wider area, than social media. The reward for using social media is minimal while the impact of damage is almost inevitable
  5. Talk it out.  While a cease and desist letter might be required, it is a cold and impersonal communication.  Yet, it is available at any time; if talking does not go anywhere a C/D letter remains an option.  Nothing to lose by talking
  6. Get help to talk it out.  This is where OvalOptions can help.  Sometimes disputes become heated exchanges, communication shuts down, and parties run to the courts, bypassing an important, and often overlooked, step.  Mediation and other alternative dispute resolution (ADR) methods provide effective, cost efficient and sustainable solutions without negating one’s right to seek legal avenues.  ADR also helps maintain the communal nature of craft brewing
  7. In some cases, litigation may be appropriate.  While this can be a long, drawn-out and expensive option with no guarantee of positive results, it might be necessary.  This is not for OvalOptions to decide or advise.

 

Peace and Pride: Obama, Putin and the Syrian Civil War

A recent opinion editorial from Russian President Putin really irked some Americans, including many in Congress-- Sen. Robert Menendez almost wanted to vomit.  This coming from the chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee. I think the last time vomit was included on a foreign relations piece involved President Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Miyazawa in 1992, a full twenty-three years ago. Why has it been so long since vomit received this much attention? Simple, because it does not belong in any foreign relations “sphere of influence”.  Sen. Menendez displayed exactly what President Putin highlights: American arrogance. Putin's piece was well argued, except for the last paragraph, which was a personal aside.  Sen. Menendez et al should have ignored it.There are many interpretations of the situation and events surrounding the Syrian civil war.  Was Obama out maneuvered by Putin? Did the rebels trick the world into almost launching a damaging strike to the Assad regime? Did President Obama suffer a major foreign affairs, and therefore political, defeat?  Is President Putin being forced to make diplomatic gestures that require him to do something he is uncomfortable doing: communicating?Perhaps all of these are correct and only time will tell.  However, there is one thing that should be highlighted as it can signify a shift if American foreign affairs, which may ostensibly be seen as a weakness, but ultimately may prove to be a rather powerful stick…or carrot. Humility.Obama’s “red line” for chemical use was crossed on Aug 21st, 2013 in Syria. To some this was a hard line, maybe even to the president himself. Yet, was that red line akin to Kaddafi’s Line of Death, which signified absolutely nothing? Or was the president actually prepared to launch strikes on a sovereign nation? Right now, to me, it does not matter which is true, or false, or both. What the president showed last week was patience and humility, something great leaders show.  Now, before we declare Obama a great leader, we must espouse the same attributes. Time will tell, and perhaps some may have to eat their words, including me.But, let’s look at the current situation. There has been no strike on Syria (yet), no more chemical attacks, and Russia is actually negotiating with the U.S. on a third party concern. Syria can easily become the flash point for a larger war…I see it as Iran-supplied oil countries v. Saudi Arabia-supplied oil countries. A unilateral strike on Syria would see that flashpoint grow more volatile.At first, I wondered the strategic and logical benefits of President Obama waiting until Tuesday September 10th to announce his plan of action. The best way to ensure a battle plan fails is to announce it and delay action. IF he were to hit Syria, Sept 10 was too late to be at all effective. Of course, it does take time to set any battle plan in motion, especially impulsively. Designating targets, while forecasting minimal collateral damage, is not something to rush. This left a natural window for other options to come into the periphery.Enter Russia, chatting about a plan brought up months prior, but not addressed. Why was this overture not mentioned before? Did Obama forget about it, or not care? Or did Obama allow Putin this chance to gain credibility and a say in the Syrian situation?  Besides this option, Russia’s only action would be a reaction to U.S. aggression. Now, Russia is in a place of (somewhat and ostensible) control. And this has given the media, Russian politicians and Syrian leaders a chance to gloat.  They have fended off American aggression; they have won.Well, maybe at first glance, but they know deep down that they have not. The fact is that the U.S. can launch an assault at any time with little to no resistance, and minimal backlash (not many reactions would hurt the U.S. worse than those who own such reactions). This would not be a popular international or domestic option, but if we are talking about power, there it is. So those aforementioned parties stand a lot to gain by declaring victory. What does Obama get?Criticism for one. It is not easy for anyone to take a step back, retract a bold statement and give credence to others’ ideas (even if they may have been your own). No one likes to be (seen as) wrong, especially the world’s most powerful leader. But powerful is not the same as great. Obama took the unpopular path in refraining from assault and listening to diplomatic overtures. He is now faced with a “demand” from Russia that no military punishment exists on Syria if they refuse or fail to meet this agreement. I think this shows the limit of Putin’s victory and the strength of Obama’s humility, which is not popular with some Americans, and that highlights Putin’s claim of American non-exceptionalism.By backing away from aggressive actions, eating his own words and looking like he was out matched, Obama has shunned pride and embraced peace (at least better options for peace). He could have easily said, “screw you guys, launch the attack”, which would have shown strength and power, but also pride and shortsightedness. In the end, he could be wrong. I think it is refreshing for a U.S. president to back off the accelerator a bit and still show strength. And that is exceptional.-------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse

We all face some form of conflict every day. From navigating traffic to deciding what to watch on TV after a long day. Most of these are "flash-pan" conflicts that are usually forgotten in minutes and ostensibly have no bearing on our lives.  Unfortunately, conflicts do not exist in a vacuum; many factors can affect our conflicts thereby increasing their affects on us and others. Like a snowball rolling down a mountain gathering more snow, increasing its size and momentum, a conflict can grow with the addition of several small influences until it demands attention.When conflicts arrive to this point, management, resolution, or reconciliation should be sought to prevent further damage. These efforts are reactionary, and as such (ironically) require a conflict for their application.  But what about addressing conflict situations before they gather momentum? What are those small influences that engorge a conflict?  Let's take a look at six factors that can make matters worse and what their influences can be. In doing so, we can shed some light on how you can take steps to nip conflict escalation in the bud.

  1. Communication
  2. Trust
  3. Emotion
  4. Relationship
  5. Context
  6. Anticipation

First up: Communication ------------------------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Communication

First and foremost is Communication. This may seem obvious, but the devil lay in the details.  Communication is more than a relay of information. Many things impact communication:
  • Choice of words
  •  Volume
  • Proximity
  • Sarcasm
  • Language, culture, nationality, etc
  • Medium (letter, email, in person, etc)
  • External noises
  • Social media (facebook, twitter, reddit, etc)
  • Body language
  • Relationship with other party
  • and Listening (more specifically, Active Listening)

Active Listening signals that the listener is actually listening.  Rephrasing is a method of active listening and is much more effective than saying, "I'm listening".   Most, if not all, conflicts can be attributed to some degree of communication issues.  The basic problem is that we automatically assume we understand what the other is saying, why they are saying it, and what it all means. With the speed of communication these days we spend less time listening and, therefore, do not fully understand the information relayed…but we think we do.Communication has its own importance, but it also extends to the next influence on conflicts: Trust

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Trust

Trust is easy to lose and difficult to gain.  Regaining trust is even more difficult. Mistakes in communication can chip away at trust and trust building. Once trust is tarnished, conflicts see barren terrain through which to run wild. Escalation soars with mistrust. Some say there are many levels of trust: you trust the banker to actually deposit your check, and you trust the babysitter with your child.  Without trust, openness, communication and patience have difficulty gaining purchase, and problems can grow quickly.  Politics is a great venue for us to witness how the lack of trust affects communication and problem solving.  Political ad campaigns, online opinion blogs, television "news" and even Congress exemplify the obstacles that mistrust erects and the tensions it increases.Next: Emotion -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Emotion

Emotion is the known-unknown influence. We know emotions are always involved in conflict. Just which emotions, and how strong they are, is difficult to actually calculate.  This is where communication and trust can help. When emotions are involved, they can override the controls that gauge communication and trust. Open communication and strong trust help manage emotions and understand where they originate, as well as not letting them escalate the conflict further.Emotions can be confusing.  Actions are different from emotions, but they can look the same. Venting, a valuable human technique, can be conflated with focused anger. Silence is sometimes seen as acceptance or indifference.  And so on.  The only way to understand which actions are emotional, and which emotions are present is to talk about them, which requires trust and communication.Next up: Relationship -----------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Relationship

If someone in traffic yells a barrage of obscenities at you, you may get angry, chalk it up to that person being a so-and-so, and go on with your day.  But if your spouse yells at you, then you may feel differently. The difference is the Relationship you have with the stranger (none) and your spouse (intimate).  The more intimate a relationship, the more personal a conflict become is to you. Those close to you can cause greater harm, and you can harm them just as much.Conflicts with those who are close can be volatile and complex, and cause long term damage.  The relationship itself can persuade people not to address problems fearing that they may hurt each other.  This is a common and understandable approach, but can ultimately be damaging.  It is important to note that all of the factors listed here intertwine, and relationships require first and foremost trust and communication.Up Next: Context  --------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Context

Even when you can recognize and manage these influences effectively, there is still the issue of Context.  We are all connected to a complex world.  Situations are rarely, if ever, independent.  Influences on situations can be large, small, obvious or covert. A customer yelling at a waiter for dropping a drink may not realize that the waiter just burned his hand on the hot plate in back. Meanwhile, the waiter may not know that the customer just received bad news about their sick grandparent. The context plays a big role in their behaviors, and the reception of the other's behavior.Sometimes there is a wrong time and place to address a conflict and no amount of communication or trust can improve it. Timing is the least tangible influence on conflict, because it's more of a feeling or intuition rather than an external signal, while place is a bit more straightforward.  A simple example would be a manager instructing an employee in front of customers. Probably not the best time or place to do that, but other situations are less obvious and more delicate.Lastly: Anticipation  -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Anticipation

Sometimes you have to wait for the appropriate opportunity to tackle a problem, and this brings up another factor that can make conflicts worse: Anticipation. That same manager knows s/he has to address the employee sometime and with each passing hour the anticipation grows. Give the mind time to imagine what can go wrong and tensions can grow.  Many times, anticipation for something is more intense than what comes to pass. Having difficult discussions is never easy, but they do not have to be paralyzing and escalating.Often we delay having such conversations out of shear dread, and this allows the problem to fester and linger.  Waiting for the appropriate time is necessary, but waiting too long can add fuel to the fire.  While there are intricacies during the conversation, the hardest part is getting the discussion started. There are other factors that can make matters worse, and they build off the six outlined here.  These may seem rather obvious and simple to keep in mind, but in the middle of an interaction they remain difficult, even for seasoned professionals.  Fortunately, this is where OvalOptions comes into play. We offer assistance with situations where the complexities seem to have the upper hand. For a free consultation, please contact us. -------------

Meta-Culture's Groundbreaking Initiative in India

PIONEERING GARMENT SECTOR INITIATIVE COMES TO A CLOSE

Our friends at Meta-Culture in Bangalore, India have announced the conclusion of their 2-year dialogue with the GSR. Facilitation of this magnitude, length, reach, and number and diversity of participants is a remarkable accomplishment, requiring time, patience, finances and ongoing learning on behalf of all involved.  OvalOptions wishes to send our sincere congratulations to Ashok Panikkar, Beth Fascitelli, the Meta-Culture staff and the entire GSR community.  Great job all!Official Press Release:BANGALORE (May 25, 2013) – Earlier this month, participants of the Garment Sector Roundtable (GSR) convened for their final meeting. Over two years and thirteen plenary meetings, the GSR established itself as a first-of-its-kind professionally facilitated multi-stakeholder initiative in India and in the garment sector globally.The GSR brought together various garment sector actors with historically competing interests and adversarial relationships. Participants included representatives from multi-national brands, Indian manufacturers, industry associations, government, trade unions, international and domestic NGOs, and research institutions. Through the GSR, participants engaged in constructive dialogue on issues that normally would provoke intense debate and disagreement.“The GSR helped us engage in difficult conversations and understand the various positions of stakeholders,” said Rishi Sher Singh, India Programs Director, Social Accountability International (SAI).  “SAI benefitted from the intense discussions on topics such as living wages and freedom of association, wherein all stakeholders shared their viewpoints and related challenges.”Reflecting on her GSR experience, Linda Johansson from H&M India Pvt Ltd commented, “I learned a lot about NGOs and trade unions – I couldn't have gotten that learning anywhere else.”Conceived in September 2009 and finally launched in January 2011, the GSR process was designed and facilitated by professional facilitators from Meta-Culture in Bangalore. Meta-Culture is a pioneering organization in India, which seeks to use methodologies such as mediation, dialogue facilitation, and consensus building to help people in conflict engage in meaningful and constructive ways.“The GSR was a landmark experiment in India, where productive dialogue among opposing parties rarely happens,” said Ashok Panikkar, Meta-Culture’s Founder and Executive Director. “We hope to do more of this work in other sectors going forward.”Challenged with lack of funds and pressure to achieve short-term results, the GSR came to an official close on 8th May 2013.  At the final meeting, participants expressed their feelings about the GSR’s closing, reflected on its achievements, and identified learning for future multi-stakeholder initiatives.Among the GSR’s achievements were strengthened stakeholder communication and increased instances of formal and informal collaboration between organizations. At the May meeting, Coen Kompier, Senior Specialist at the International Labour Organization, rattled off the names of ten other GSR participants with whom he had engaged outside of the GSR.Gopinath Parakuni, General Secretary of Cividep India and a founding member of the GSR, said, “The GSR provided a platform to share concerns and improve understanding among stakeholders.  Such platforms can help stakeholders in the garment sector work together.”The GSR also launched two joint action initiatives based on common stakeholder interests: the Joint Fact Finding research on labour shortage and turnover in garment factories, and the Women’s Supervisory Training Program for women tailors to become shop floor supervisors.  Both projects are ongoing and have the potential for long-term impact.About these projects, Kompier commented, “We have made an agreement to concretely address sexual harassment issues through the WSTP. The project’s uniqueness lies in the multi–stakeholder approach. The same applies to the research on labour turnover.”One participant expressed frustration about how some sector stakeholders thought that the ending of GSR after two years meant that it was a “failure.” Meta-Culture facilitator Beth Fascitelli responded, “We are here to honor the efforts of the GSR and determine how our learning can be useful to other such processes in the future.  How can we replace the language of ‘failure’ with the more useful language of ‘learning’?”While realistic about the challenges of sustained multi-stakeholder initiatives like the GSR, participants and facilitators are optimistic about the GSR’s influence on future initiatives.  “The path to social dialogue is slow, painstaking and meandering!” said Singh. “The GSR has successfully laid the benchmark for industry dialogue processes in India.”

Conflict in Construction

Remodeling your kitchen?  Developer of a new downtown high-rise? A commuter having to make detours to bypass roadwork on your daily drive to work? Whether you are in the construction industry, or simply drive by something “under construction”, there’s no doubt you have experienced the myriad of hassles from construction projects big or small.The construction industry, private and public, is fraught with conflict and special issues requiring intervention at many levels of a project.  For better-or-worse, construction and conflict go hand-in-hand.  But there is a positive side to glean from construction conflict: mediation and other alternative dispute resolution techniques are poised to become the preferred methods of dispute resolution within construction projects.Why? In large part because of the lower costs associated with these resolution techniques as compared to litigation or even arbitration.  More-so, because mediation can resolve disputes much faster than traditional alternatives. And delays in construction can amount to millions of dollars.  Above all, mediation can and is used in two different ways in construction management: as a dispute prevention technique as well as dispute resolution once conflict has emerged.  Thus mediators can be used very innovatively in construction projects: as dispute avoidance professionals and/or as dispute resolution specialists.Construction can have many sources of conflict. The Construction Industry Institute and Pen-Mora, Sosa & MCone (2003) identify sources of conflict ranging from unrealistic expectations, contract document language, schedule delays, performance clauses, contractor negligence, construction document misinterpretation, industry unpredictability, and poor workmanship to name a few.  Similar to other industries, the construction industry also has organizational conflict that is exacerbated by the various levels of project team members who may communicate or understand things very differently from one another. For example, the owner and financial resource (can be a private party or government entity), the architect/engineer, the prime contractor and subcontractors all are expected to work symbiotically with clear communications channels and understand each other’s needs.  But often there are divergent objectives: an owner wants maximum quality and functionality at minimal cost and the contractor wants to meet the scope of work by expending minimum resources.  A recipe for conflict!Yet, if you ask a contractor or owner what the single most prevalent source of conflict within their work is, they will probably tell you it isn’t negligence or shoddy workmanship or disagreement over expectations and deadlines, instead they’ll say it is contract disputes over payment. They’ll tell you stories about change-order disputes, “paid-when-paid” verses “paid-on-terms” clauses and the clashes experienced when contractors or material suppliers can’t get payment in time to fund their own overhead and payroll.  You’ll hear stories about price changes with construction schedule changes, being on deadline and not waiting for paper change-orders, operating on verbal agreements that differ from contract work and having final payments withheld.  And it’s not just payment that gets held up; it’s also the completion of a job that is held up. It is not uncommon for years to go by before payment is complete – with or without litigation or arbitration.  The result is relationships that fracture and future projects which are tainted. If specific points of conflict were addressed at the time they arise, much of the payment and contract disputes can be minimized or even avoided.The inherent conflict that can occur with even the most coordinated and managed projects has caused the construction industry to become quite savvy with resolving conflict so that it does not affect schedules or the bottom line: many construction contracts now include provisions for mediation as a function of the on-going project – to identify and manage conflict as it arises and address it real-time. Suffice it to say that resolving conflict before it escalates is paramount in the construction industry. An impartial, objective third-party who can work with both sides of a construction dispute before or immediately upon its presence can make all the difference in a successful, on-time, on-budget construction project.