Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse

We all face some form of conflict every day. From navigating traffic to deciding what to watch on TV after a long day. Most of these are "flash-pan" conflicts that are usually forgotten in minutes and ostensibly have no bearing on our lives.  Unfortunately, conflicts do not exist in a vacuum; many factors can affect our conflicts thereby increasing their affects on us and others. Like a snowball rolling down a mountain gathering more snow, increasing its size and momentum, a conflict can grow with the addition of several small influences until it demands attention.When conflicts arrive to this point, management, resolution, or reconciliation should be sought to prevent further damage. These efforts are reactionary, and as such (ironically) require a conflict for their application.  But what about addressing conflict situations before they gather momentum? What are those small influences that engorge a conflict?  Let's take a look at six factors that can make matters worse and what their influences can be. In doing so, we can shed some light on how you can take steps to nip conflict escalation in the bud.

1. Communication
2. Trust
3. Emotion
4. Relationship
5. Context
6. Anticipation

First up: Communication ------------------------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Trust

Trust is easy to lose and difficult to gain.  Regaining trust is even more difficult. Mistakes in communication can chip away at trust and trust building. Once trust is tarnished, conflicts see barren terrain through which to run wild. Escalation soars with mistrust. Some say there are many levels of trust: you trust the banker to actually deposit your check, and you trust the babysitter with your child.  Without trust, openness, communication and patience have difficulty gaining purchase, and problems can grow quickly.  Politics is a great venue for us to witness how the lack of trust affects communication and problem solving.  Political ad campaigns, online opinion blogs, television "news" and even Congress exemplify the obstacles that mistrust erects and the tensions it increases.Next: Emotion -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Emotion

Emotion is the known-unknown influence. We know emotions are always involved in conflict. Just which emotions, and how strong they are, is difficult to actually calculate.  This is where communication and trust can help. When emotions are involved, they can override the controls that gauge communication and trust. Open communication and strong trust help manage emotions and understand where they originate, as well as not letting them escalate the conflict further.Emotions can be confusing.  Actions are different from emotions, but they can look the same. Venting, a valuable human technique, can be conflated with focused anger. Silence is sometimes seen as acceptance or indifference.  And so on.  The only way to understand which actions are emotional, and which emotions are present is to talk about them, which requires trust and communication.Next up: Relationship -----------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Relationship

If someone in traffic yells a barrage of obscenities at you, you may get angry, chalk it up to that person being a so-and-so, and go on with your day.  But if your spouse yells at you, then you may feel differently. The difference is the Relationship you have with the stranger (none) and your spouse (intimate).  The more intimate a relationship, the more personal a conflict become is to you. Those close to you can cause greater harm, and you can harm them just as much.Conflicts with those who are close can be volatile and complex, and cause long term damage.  The relationship itself can persuade people not to address problems fearing that they may hurt each other.  This is a common and understandable approach, but can ultimately be damaging.  It is important to note that all of the factors listed here intertwine, and relationships require first and foremost trust and communication.Up Next: Context  --------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Context

Even when you can recognize and manage these influences effectively, there is still the issue of Context.  We are all connected to a complex world.  Situations are rarely, if ever, independent.  Influences on situations can be large, small, obvious or covert. A customer yelling at a waiter for dropping a drink may not realize that the waiter just burned his hand on the hot plate in back. Meanwhile, the waiter may not know that the customer just received bad news about their sick grandparent. The context plays a big role in their behaviors, and the reception of the other's behavior.Sometimes there is a wrong time and place to address a conflict and no amount of communication or trust can improve it. Timing is the least tangible influence on conflict, because it's more of a feeling or intuition rather than an external signal, while place is a bit more straightforward.  A simple example would be a manager instructing an employee in front of customers. Probably not the best time or place to do that, but other situations are less obvious and more delicate.Lastly: Anticipation  -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Anticipation

Sometimes you have to wait for the appropriate opportunity to tackle a problem, and this brings up another factor that can make conflicts worse: Anticipation. That same manager knows s/he has to address the employee sometime and with each passing hour the anticipation grows. Give the mind time to imagine what can go wrong and tensions can grow.  Many times, anticipation for something is more intense than what comes to pass. Having difficult discussions is never easy, but they do not have to be paralyzing and escalating.Often we delay having such conversations out of shear dread, and this allows the problem to fester and linger.  Waiting for the appropriate time is necessary, but waiting too long can add fuel to the fire.  While there are intricacies during the conversation, the hardest part is getting the discussion started. There are other factors that can make matters worse, and they build off the six outlined here.  These may seem rather obvious and simple to keep in mind, but in the middle of an interaction they remain difficult, even for seasoned professionals.  Fortunately, this is where OvalOptions comes into play. We offer assistance with situations where the complexities seem to have the upper hand. For a free consultation, please contact us. -------------