You are likely going through one of the most stressful times of your life. Separation and divorce can be an emotionally tough situation filled with sadness, loss, fear, and anxiety. Often the first bridge you and your partner will cross will be living arrangements and crossing that could be a bridge you never took into consideration. Unsurprisingly, living arrangements can be an extremely difficult discussion to resolve. A marital home is usually a couple’s most valuable financial asset, and as such, is a strong focus of litigation. Before beginning the actual process of divorce, speak with your partner and consider where you, your partner, and your children if you have them, will live. Devise a plan with this information, create a list of expenditures and a budget around all of the shared expenses, and be transparent when it comes to your finances. Clearly state who will pay what and keep track of all of your spending, personal or otherwise. Make sure you go over these on a regular basis. These are challenging matters of discussion and if you find you’d like the help of a conflict resolution specialist, please feel free to contact us.
Now, when it comes to where you will live, here are three things you should consider before the uncoupling process is in full swing:
Who Keeps the House?
The marital home is often the desired location as it provides familiarity and a sense of stability during turbulent times. For parents with children, this could also be a serious consideration as neighbors and playmates can provide an excellent source of comfort support. Ultimately, when it all comes down to it, financial reality can be the determining factor in who retains the marital home. If either parent is unable to assume a mortgage with just one income, this can create some complications (pre-qualifying for a loan is an excellent strategy for divorce negotiations). Make sure that the list of expenditures you created is detailed and includes utilities, maintenance, insurance, even possible future repairs that might arise down the road i.e. a new roof or new water heater. There is always the option of continuing to own the home jointly, but you should carefully consider whether or not you want to remain financially attached to your former spouse.
Who Moves Out?
For some people, the idea of relocating and starting over with a clean slate can be a more appealing option. However, a spouse who typically covered all of the household bills should expect to continue paying many of the household expenses, including the mortgage and insurance payments. This could be problematic if the person moving out was the spouse who took care of these finances to being with. In these circumstances, renting is usually the most ideal option as having two mortgages might be a financial impossibility. Plus, renting could free up cash flow for other priorities, and maintenance emergencies will be someone else’s responsibility. Naturally, if children are involved, you will want to find a place that is accommodating to their needs as well.
Do We Stick it Out?
Financially, some people simply cannot afford to support a second household. For couples experiencing a battleground in their household, this could be a less than desirable situation, however, temporarily speaking, this might be the most reasonable option. Some parents might want to preserve the family unit for the sake of their children. Figuring out how to amicably cohabitate will be a challenge. In this case, it would be wise to set ground rules as if though you were moving in with a new roommate and it is important to understand the importance of civil communication (even if communication is minimal). Focus on the fact that this is temporary and that all things must pass.
Every relationship and divorce is unique and different. What works for one separating couple might not work for another. Consider every one of your options carefully by weighing all of the financial, practical, and emotional aspects and be sure to ask yourselves the hard questions. If spouses can’t agree on a separation agreement they will wind up in court where a judge will determine how the property is divided. This is one of the benefits of going to mediation versus going to attorneys. Even if you mediate, you still have to deal with the appropriate court procedures but the mediation process can allow you to filter through some of your emotions with the hopes of working through the fog so you can make rational decisions. It allows you to think about what is and is not important. What things are worth negotiating and what things are worth giving in to, in the interest of moving on. It also allows for a more collaborative process of negotiation rather than digging your heels in and fighting for everything. Getting through the confusion and turmoil of a divorce may be easier if you are better informed about the process before it begins.
We understand that you and your spouse are not experts when it comes to uncoupling and that these conflicts can be extremely painful and exhausting. At this stage, it could be beneficial to bring in a third party with the experience to help you both maintain control and negotiate a more mindful way of moving on to a peaceful resolution. Contact us today.